Week 4

1 Month review

It’s crazy to think that I am only four days away from being out a month. That is one of my warnings, it’s easy to get caught up in the flow. It’s kind of like jumping into a raging river, if you are not prepared, the current will carry you away. I am blessed to have a support group to reach out to, they also keep my irrational thoughts in check.

I have developed a healthy routine not so different then the one I had on the inside. I wake early, pray, journal and meditate, have a healthy breakfast, do my chores for the week (I clean the bathrooms), shower and off to work I go. After work it’s off to the gym MWF, and Run Club TH, S. Due to my work schedule I had to drop the Tuesday morning run. Sunday mornings are reserved for Catholic Mass.

I am still on entry status, so I am only allowed to go to Church on the weekends, if I were a member of AA, I would be allowed to go to meetings.

I will be submitted for Pre-Release status on Monday, and if approved, which I am told I would be, I then will be allowed to be gone each workday till 9 PM and each weekend from 9 AM-9 PM.

Technology and work

When I fell I was on the cutting edge of technology. Not anymore, and this is my biggest struggle. The smartphone made me feel dumb. I have an Android, yes, I am learning it, but it’s been a fight the whole way. My work just gave me an iPhone, I have two different operating systems. This doesn’t make it any easier.

I have been transparent with my employer, so he is aware, but what about my coworkers? They do not know my past, they haven’t asked, I don’t know that I should just announce “I just did a 20-year prison sentence” to everyone I meet. So, when I have questions about operating software, all of which I knew at one time but now looks like a foreign language to me. People look at me like “where have you been?” This works on my mind, I begin to tell myself I am in over my head, I can’t do this, I am not good enough. All self-defeating talk. I share this with my support team, and they talk me through it. It doesn’t change the way I feel, it just reminds me that this is a struggle, and damn it, it will get easier.

I am in a management position, my title Project Manager/Estimator, Commercial and Industrial Division. The beginning of the week was overwhelming, new computer, phone, then the emails started to come. This job bids this date. This job bids that date, before you know it, I had multiple jobs to bid. I remember twenty years ago I had an office full of plans and specs and was bidding sometimes 20 jobs a week. Then prison happened. Monday and Tuesday were tough, Wednesday I put out my first quote, by Friday I had begun to learn a little about the computer, it was beginning to come back, albeit slow.

I spend a few hours each Sat and Sun working on the computer getting up to speed. It’s a slow process. Patience William, well I want it right now!

Leisure

What do I do in my free time? The gym is something I enjoy. I have developed one heck of a strength training program. It’s nice when you don’t have to deal with ‘’ cars” or neurotic behavior like “that weight is all mine” My gym membership includes a personal trainer, and though I have not used him/her I have asked questions and they give answers based on their education, not the way it’s done in prison according to someone’s ego. I also have access to the correct fuel for a workout, this really helps with results.

My favorite activity is the Run Club, Mile in My Shoes, what a wonderful organization. These people show love and kindness and show up rain or shine with a smile and an encouraging word. I am currently training for my first organized race, the MIMS Run around Town on June 10th in downtown Minneapolis. It’s a 5k sponsored by our club, if your family members could show up and support the cause that would be great.

My goal is to finish in under 30 minutes which should not be a problem.

The run club is also having a social gathering coming up at the end of May, I am told we will be playing pickleball. I have warned them that I am probably the best pickleball player to come out of prison and I am not a dinker, like Soeby.

I am excited about this. I have developed some healthy relationships and want to stick close to these good people.

Boredom

For those of you who know me, you also know bored is not a word I used, ever, it to me is a red flag. I heard it a lot there. There is nothing you can do out here, that you can’t do there. Good and bad. If you are bored, you’re in trouble. Read, get some rec, go to Church, take a class, learn something, help someone out.

One last thing

Part of my struggle has been how the world views me. I know we all used to discuss this topic there. We would stand out like a sore thumb. I have to tell you it’s mostly in my mind. I have a GPS the size of a small camcorder on my ankle and wear shorts mostly, I don’t get many looks at all. I think we get conditioned from being on the inside, our opinions don’t matter, we are less than, the dregs of society, all stuff we hear from the correctional staff, directly or indirectly. I am here to tell you that, your opinion does matter, you matter, you are all good men.

People out here are so caught up in their day to day they do not even see you most of the time.

Almost forgot, I used a steel fork and knife for the first time on Thursday, and yes, I did have a steak, a big fat juicy Rib-Eye, so much for the vegan I said I wanted to become, well maybe next week.

Love and respect to you all!

Bill